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Mr. Grumpy Tells All!


Bill Gates is a filthy (insert favourite Oedipal expletive here). Hey. It had to be said. What's that? Your system won't stop crashing since you uninstalled version 4.0? Oh well, just reinstall. Whoops! Windows thinks it's still running the new version. Bill Gates: what a sphincter. Gee, it's getting harder and harder to maintain that PG rating!

Now. On to the French. Before I rant and rave, I'm going to give our non-Canadian brethren a brief history lesson. Canada, and most of North America was originally owned by the British with the exception of Mexico and some southern states which were owned by the Spanish. The French got in on the action early on and founded Lower Canada which is basically Quebec and some parts of the Maritimes (note to Americans: the fiddly little provinces above Maine). Before you start going on about the Bayou, I should mention that it was founded by evil, filthy, French pirates so that doesn't really count. For more on this, wait until I get to the war of 1812 some day. So Quebec and England had another of their economic battles over sugar cane and slaves and, of course, some of that fighting happened here. Our man Wolfe kicked French butt in a decisive battle by attacking the mostly-undefended rear of the Citadel in Quebec City. The Citadel is a big-assed French fort with lots of canons where modern troops are taught first-hand about grenades. Not too many are taught second hand as they use live ones, but nothing teaches you respect for munitions like seeing your comrades blown to bloody chunks for a laugh. The French to this day will tell you that attacking their weak point was a sneaky and unfair move and that the English should have gotten blown out of the water like real men. Once again proving that the sun will never go down on the British Empire because not even God trusts the English in the dark.

Now then. The French are a race of politicians and have turned defeat into a niggling kind of oneupmanship. Quebec is a large province and to get elected one must get their votes. Therefore, Canadian politicians drag the other 9 provinces into Quebec issues to placate them (or, more specifically, their politicians). Here's an interesting political twist. The United Nations human rights legislation was drafted and proposed by a Canadian. Canada has been condemned under that legislation because of Quebec's bigoted language laws. And they think they're threatened by US???

Last year, they had a go at Micro-bytes for being English. Now they've just enacted legislation which calls for all French text on web pages to be twice the font size of the English text.

The moral: Think Locally. Act Globally. Yup. That's the French for ya.



Pursuant to the following, I wonder if there's any truth to the rumour that Internet Explorer 5.0 will be named Anal Explorer. Nah... Probably not. I guess that's Anal Exploder for all you ABM types out there.



Wow. We've just upgraded Internet Exploder to version 4.0. I can't really tell you how much the staff at Microsoft mean to me right now, but the mental image involves a male chicken and several powerful vacuum cleaners. I Hate Bill Gates! I'd just like to throw darts at his head all day long.

The good news is that they've gotten Exploder to behave at the expense of every other Microsquish product in the system. So cool. I can surf the web while I go out of business. Hey! Maybe this is why there's so many slackers in Seattle!

Gee. Uninstalling Exploder was a bad idea, too. Good thing I have the Non-Microsoft First Aid to sort out most of this mess. Unfortunately, the MSIE uninstall also took out a ton of files on my hard drive effectively crippling Borland C's help system (ho hum. another reinstall). Corrupt start menu I can see, but the previous looks like seek and destroy operations to me. But hey, it could be a coincidence. That's the beauty of Microsoft's marketing plan. Release buggy software that any self-respecting, integrity-laden developer would call a beta and you can blame the most evil of actions on software faults.



Mr. Grumpy is a composite of computer hackers, engineers, and other socially retarded deviates. All opinions are somebody's, but not necessarily Custom Computer Software's.
 
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Last modified on Thursday, February 10, 2000.

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