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Seattle, Canada, Canadian, cool links, movies, Catbert, commentary, humor, humour, humourous, humorous, Ken Rockson

05/31/99 

Movies! Movies! Movies!

After an emasculating day at work, there's no better way to unwind than to scare a bunch of Chatty Cathy's into silence at the local movie theatre.

The Matrix

The best of the lot in the past few months is probably The Matrix, starring Keanu Reeves demonstrating more of that geeky cool we saw in Johnny Mnemonic. Nobody does that geeky cool thing like us Toronto boys :o)! Some cool CGI, Hong Kong fight action and a reasonably intelligent plot. Hugo Weaving was brilliant as the bad guy. The first two thirds of the movie is captivating, exciting and intelligent. The last third, while amazingly exciting, is very Hollywood. Still, I liked it enough to see it three times. Want the review? See it in a good theatre.

Proof

Speaking of Hugo Weaving. I just remembered where else I've seen him. Another amazing movie called Proof. Man. I haven't thought about that one in years. It's a well-written, well-directed drama about a blind photographer played by Weaving who won an Australian Film Institute Best Actor Award for the role. He is cold and distant and mistrusting of pretty much everyone starting with his mother who he has suspected from the first of lying to him about the world about him. To catch her, he started taking pictures and having strangers describe them to him in the hopes that he'd catch her in a lie. The movie revolves around the caustic relationship between him and his housekeeper until he meets a friend setting off a physical and emotional triangle that is fascinating and powerful. Anyway, rent it if you like this sort of thing. It's very good.

The Phantom Menace

As for the rest, Star Wars: The Phantom Menace was exciting enough, but aimed at kids and features a very unoriginal script. It's really only the visuals that keep you awake through cliche dialogue and references to the trilogy and Ben Hur. Kind of Star Wars meets Willow.

Election

Election was a nifty bit of satirical cynicism starring Reese Witherspoon as an over-acheiving, snotty teenager running for student body president and Matthew Broderick as the teacher who's sick of her and all like her. Worth renting or watching at the rep theatre.

Mr. Rockson Goes To Washington

That's kind of what it's like around ol' Thyme Management. If you really feel passionately about something (or just want to get it done) you'll express your convictions by re-enacting the filibuster scene from Mr. Smith Goes To Washington. You know, after a few of those speeches and you just go "Aw stuff it. It's not my server. Let it crash." When these guys retire, they should seriously look to the film business or something equally dramatic. I mean. Let's face it. How excited can you get about database operations on a daily basis anyway?

Anyway, I've now got one boss or four depending on who you ask, someone who may or may not be the office manager giving me the old, "Rules? Don't worry, I'll let you know as you break them" routine, a boss who's turned overnight into a total company man, another boss (or not) who I can't figure out at all really and someone who I think might be in charge, or not. Near as I can tell, a few people have left which has left a power vacuum though I have no idea what they did for a living for the most part and now everybody except me is scrambling for little bits of power and paper. Call me old fashioned, but I consider office politics an effeminate pursuit best left to women and old men, which I'm surrounded by, naturally. From the amount of heck I've been catching just keeping the machines running, the brass ring seems to be the ability to carve me a new one with impunity. To quote Shaw as best I can without my books here, "If everyone acted in their own best interest, this world would be heaven." Oh ya. And just to make it fun, I think there's maybe a half dozen people in the organization who aren't related to someone in charge, too. I'm getting a headache just trying to sort it out. It's getting impossible to actually do computer work for dodging knives around there. Ho hum. I guess it's nothing getting it regular wouldn't fix (but, hey, what doesn't that fix?).

05/08/99 

A Little Cheese With That Whine?

A full five days of being treated like a hydrocephalic chimpanzee find me ready for a weekend off. Must be the weather.

Hydro field cuts through my neighbourhood
Somehow that always just made me feel good
I can put a spare bulb in my hand
and light up my yard

Late at night when the wires in the walls
Sing in tune with the din of the Falls ...

Was that out loud? Sorry. Just listening to some Barenaked Ladies and feeling homesick today. It's been almost a year away from home. I think it was Dennis Miller who said "to the rest of the world, being America's ally is like having an over-friendly, 250 pound saint bernard who still thinks he's a puppy jumping up and down on you, licking your face and loving you until you are a battered and bruised bleeding mass of flesh." or words to that effect. Or maybe it was Stephen Leacock.

There's a shopping cart in the ravine
The foam on the creek is like pop and ice cream
A field full of tires that is always on fire
To light my way home ...

I have some friends who live near the tire fire ... I really should call them soon. For those of you who don't know it, The Barenaked Ladies is a band from Toronto. Niagara Falls is near my house outside of Toronto. I used to go there to play hookey when I didn't feel like working (it's good to be your own boss).

There are luxuries we can't afford
But in our house we never get bored
We can dance to the radio station
That plays in our teeth

Niagara Falls is the site of The Battle Of Lundy's Lane and right around the corner from where we decimated the American navy. The finale, of course, was when we marched down south and burned down a formerly pink eyesore now famous for being a White House. Just something to think about in the days of NAFTA. Ah, memories.

03/01/99 

Guess Who?

Har! A little gag for my musician friends out there.

Here it comes! The Seattle Pages of the Rockson Files! A riveting saga involving Killer Mold, Giant Rats, Lawyers and More!

Thyme Management

I've spent the past year working with resort management software for a company we'll call Thyme Management. It's all part of a feindishly clever plan to get established in the Pacific Northwest. Of course, it mostly involves being flown out of town and not living in the Pacific Northwest. Oh well. The best laid plans of mice, eh?

The Changing Of The Banana

Ah well. Home again in Seattle after Exciting World Travel and time for the Changing Of The Banana, a monthly ritual which involves the removal of mummified remains. Nothing more homey than a fresh, yellow banana sitting in your apartment, right?

The Emerald City

From time to time I actually find myself in my apartment in Renton (the rainy part of Seattle) looking at the breathtaking view of Lake Washington and the Olympic Mountains with a roaring fire blazing in the fireplace. I'll be sitting here cruising through Seattle Sidewalk's events calendar looking for things to do that don't include "black tie" or "gay" in their descriptions. I don't know if it's the weather or Microsoft or what, but there seems to be an overabundance of homosexuals here. Not that there's anything wrong with that, but SHEESH! Not even that bastion of manlyness, the hardware store, is safe!

We'll be back with more of The Rockson Files after a brief pause for Depression. Yes, Depression, the answer to all of life's problems!

More Disturbing Than Flayed Flesh!

The Oberto Sausage Company makes beef jerky here in Seattle. On the back of every package of mummified meat is the slogan "We hope you have as much fun eating our jerky as we had making it." signed by Art Oh Boy Oberto. I was eating this stuff for months before I read the slogan. Is it just me, or is that sucker just plain disturbing?

 


Current
This is the current edition of the Rockson Files.
1999 Part One
Emasculation, movie reviews, Bare Naked Ladies, Catbert and more!.
1998
1998 version of the Rockson Files. Not that it was an uneventful year, but it's been such a long, strange trip that updating the web site has been left on the back burner.
New Year's
This is the ultra-cheezy New Year's Edition of the Rockson Files.
1997 
This is the collection of the 1997 Rockson Files.
 

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