Vancouver traffic jams are caused by friendly motorists letting each other in.Toronto traffic jams are caused by nasty motorists cutting each other off.
Vancouver: "Rain again this winter, remember your umbrella."Toronto: 40 below with windchill. Forecasts include "freezing flesh" warnings. Don't forget your shovel, candles, emergency flares, large amounts of cash for the tow trucks.
Vancouver ferry captains will actually back up the departing ferry for you if you're late.Toronto ferry captains will actually back up the departing ferry for you if you're late. This is a demented attempt to sucker you into a watery grave.
Vancouver has breath-taking scenery.Toronto has breath-taking pollution.
Vancouver has Fiftyfour-40.Toronto has Smith & Smith.
Vancouver's near the Seattle Scene.Toronto's near Mississauga.
Vancouverites talk to one another and even say "Hello!" or "Was that your foot?" as they pass in the street.Torontonians don't talk to one another. It's a good way to get killed... or worse!
Vancouver: "Hey man got an extra hackey sack?" "No, but we can share this one!"Toronto: "Hey man, got a dollar so I can tell the much music camera how much the world sucks!"
Vancouver: "Got any weed?"Toronto: "Gimme your wallet. I need a fix." Then they shoot you so you can't report it to the cops.

Cynical stuff by the Duke of URL. Super cynical stuff by Weeble. If you don't agree with this, you're probably some demented freak from Toronto, but feel free to e-mail your own suggestions anyway.

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